Slowing Down

I gather rosebuds while I may;

and stop to smell the roses sweet–

Yet through my day I see the gray

Of looming clouds that warn of sleet.

They cover all the golden day

And will not move, though I entreat.

No color now, wind goes its way;

No time for smells or sights or sounds.

My plowing through each weary day

I feel as if I’ve slowly drowned

Can this really be the life I’ve found?

If you keep walking, running, dash.

If you start climbing, gripping, reach.

Go onward onward onward up

Make progress now, you must progress

No matter circling, whirling

Productive always

It is a race

Go faster

Move

Treadmills never go anywhere

The race to the finish is imaginary

What is the finish?

What is the goal?

I’m tired.

The cows are all facing left today,

Rain must be coming.

I guess we’ll have to stay in tonight.

This poem is a reflection on my life following the death of my grandmother. The sayings at the beginning, specifically “gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” are ‘isms’ that she was fond of. My grandmother was patient and thoughtful. Through the rush of life, I could always count on going to her house, eating good food, and hearing loving commentary about the cows in the pasture that her porch overlooked. Before I learned to appreciate the slowness of her life, I was bored by what I thought was insignificant blabber about her neighbor’s cows. In reflection during and after her decline, I have learned to be grateful for such moments. On the sixth day “God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). After my grandmother's death, I found great difficulty in finding anything ‘good.’ Through His endless mercy and grace, I began once again to see His glory and goodness in the world. Grandmother was particularly fond of large flocks of birds, clear days where she could see the mountains, and turkeys in the backyard. I hope to always take to heart her method of intentional observance of the beauty of the Lord’s creation, and genuine interest and love for all of His creatures.

-Alice Arnold